A New Day

This day started in a whirlwind. You know those days where you just know it is going to go 90 miles an hour all day long. Thankfully I did not procrastinate the things that I needed to do and thus am able to slow down, even if it is for 10 minutes. Procrastination is a concept that I have become fully involved in over the years. It amazes me how little things snowball so quickly if not taken care of from the start. Over the last few months I have taken a strong effort to do those things which I may not like so they do not loom over me later as a bigger task I REALLY don't like or a crisis. I have to often pray and ask God to help me to stay on track. I would love to tell you I have successfully accomplished all my goals recently this way but I have not. In the same way as my struggle to gain control over my eating habits I have learned I did not get to these habits overnight and I will not turn them around overnight. I say this to myself not as an excuse but to keep me from going down the path of dismay that will lead me to stop the great progress I have made. I pray I will reach my goal in the coming months but for now I just must take it one day at a time.

I took the girls to the Aquarium the other day and then we went for a trolley ride. As we got on the trolley I noticed there was noone there but a young man sitting all alone. After a short while he spoke to a couple of people getting on offering them a flyer for telephone service. I noticed then he had a great deal of difficulty speaking. As he stood up to leave the trolley at another stop I observed that he appeared to have cerebal palsy. I looked at him and realized again how blessed I am. In everything that transpired over my childhood my parents were told that I may not ever walk. And yet I do. Further, both of my girls were both born healthy. I noticed this man did not sulk he just went about the business he set out to do, albeit it difficult. I thought once again that much more often I need to use all the skills God has blessed me with and be thankful for all he has given me. In that thankfulness will I find the true joy that brings me up on those days that seem so gloomy.

With that thought in mind this morning I finished a vigorous workout a the gym that I had barely graced the door of in the years prior to this past January. I am not where I want to be but I am a work in progress. I feel that should always be the way I look at my life. A work in progress, better than I used to be.

One of Those Days

How often have we felt like we just cannot please anyone? That thinking can lead us to really evaluate why we do what we do. I was having one of those days today. I realized that that still small voice of God speaking to my heart is what motivates me to do many of those things I don't desire to do but know I ought to do. But God does not want our begrudging attitude, he wants us to give our all to him. So, sometimes instead of secretly complaining we should go to him and ask him to change our heart about the task we have set before us. No matter how small.

It's interesting the way God works. Almost as soon as I allowed God to do some heart changing I viewed the things that kept coming at me with a laugh. Yes, a laugh. Let me shed a little light here. You see after coming home from a very frantic trip to the airport to get my husband on his flight in time I walked into my kitchen to find one of my larger pictures on the floor shattered. It was not hard to figure out this happened because one of my doors to the house was slammed one too many times (not out of anger but because little ones tend to want to push the door shut a little harder than they need to). So, as my older daughter works on some extra touches to a science project I bend over and begin picking up pieces, as my back and legs scream to me in pain. Aaah, just one of those days I thought. How much better was that thinking then what had been going around in my head the rest of the day. I pray God will help me to look at those hard days as 'just one of those days' next time I begin down the spiraling path of frustration.

Getting Stronger

  My dad was moved to a rehab center one week ago yesterday. They take him to physical therapy and occupational therapy and assist him with his daily tasks. He will be there for three weeks (two more weeks to go). He wanted to go there to get stronger, and after a little bit I finally came around that this was the only way to ensure he would get better and not fall at home. He is at Central Park Rehab on King's Avenue in Brandon. They are very sweet and caring there. While we are there to visit we also are able to go upstairs to visit Bobby's grandmother (Abuela). 

  Abuela is not too fond of leaving her comfort zone upstairs, so it didn't go so well when Bobby's mom tried to take her down to my dad's room for a visit. She told him hello and then repeated in spanish over and over again for his mom to take her back upstairs. The good thing is my dad thought is was funny too. 

 We found out yesterday dad has another cold. It is already really dragging him down, emotionally and physically. We pray his body can rebound quickly and not turn down the path that he is trying to leave. It was a simple cold back at the beginning of March that started this journey. 

 My mother continues to attempt to balance working and going to the rehab center and home. All of which are no less than 40 minutes from each other. She seemed to have a nice mother's day as we had lunch together and she played in the pool with the girls. Something she rarely has a opportunity to do. As we sat on my new swing and rocked she seemed to be very peaceful, first time I have seen her that way in awhile.

 Haley and Bobby are battling cold's as well. It seems to have settled into their chest and has been a real energy zapper for both of them. 

 Haley is looking forward to having a friend from school come over and play today. She is quite the little social butterfly. And Mercedes is back is swim lessons. It can be a little freaky watching her underwater for so long. But she is determined, and quite fearless. 

 Haley watched a recorded part of the Today show with me about the Statue of Liberty the other day. She then decided she really wanted to go to New York. So, she now has decided  to convince her dad to go there on a family trip for her birthday this summer. Poor Bobby, three active outgoing women in his life. He doesn't stand a chance. :)

 

A Weekend to Enjoy

 Today is Friday and I am so excited to be taking my little girls over to Caldesi Island for the day. We have never been there and are excited about exploring this little island we have read so much about. It will be about an hour drive. 

 I must share that it has been a hard couple of days regarding the pain I feel in my legs and back. I know without a doubt now that the appointment I have for June 22 at the Mayo Clinic is a must. My mother is always so sweet and encouraging as she listens to me complain on the hard days. She has always seemed to know when to push me and when to just let me complain a little. Last nigh,t as it was so difficult to move and I physically felt sick from the pain, Bobby came beside me when I sat up and just held me. He has loved me and comforted me during these times when it seemed hard to see the light. 

 I will press forward. I constantly look to what I have adopted as my lifetime verse, 2Corinthians 12:9. It tells that in my weakness HIS grace is sufficient. This verse has meant so much to me in so many ways all my life. It pushes me forward and reminds me of my hope in the future.

 I think of those things when I reflect on what is happening with my dad. I went to see him yesterday with the girls. I brought him a chili hot dog from Checkers. Which goes against all reason but when he kept asking for it the dietician agreed that with his protein so low and all the weight he has lost, one hot dog would not be so bad. And he ate it all !!!

 You can tell the girls really brighten him and he enjoys our visits, despite Mercedes volume level (either crying or laughing). He sat up voluntarily on the side of the bed to eat and when he brought his legs out it just made me want to cry. They are so skinny. He has lost sooo much weight. His skin just seems to hang off of him. But if I look at the big picture he is getting better and stronger. He will be going to a rehab facility today. Which is so hard for me to come to terms with, but I know after talking with the therapist and doctors it is the best thing for a couple of weeks. Although he is walking with a walker and a physical therapist, he is so weak that he has a high potential for falling. He needs 24hour assistance and all day therapy which cannot be provided at home. When I spoke to him this morning he said he felt it was the best choice and he wanted to get stronger and go home. So, I will love and support he and my mother through this time and continue to take one day at a time. 

 My mother was dealt another blow financially yesterday when she was told she would have to pay $150 a day for the first three days of his stay at the rehab facility. She said she will fight this with insurance but it is not likely to be remedied. 

  In all these circumstances, and so many more than cannot and should not be discussed, God is still so good to me and my family. He has taken care of us and brought us through so much. I know without a doubt that I must press forward with joy and anticipation for all the good things in the future. For I know I have a God who loves and cares for all of us.

Business to slowing down

 Well, today was one of those busy Mondays. You know the sort where you start slow and then quickly go into Indy 500 speed. After getting Haley off to school I headed straight to Brandon.  I figured better to take care of the errands first thing than to put them off to Procrastination Land. Amazingly, after a Skinny Latte at that wonderfully overpriced coffee chain we have all come to love I was able to get that extra spurt of energy this day would require.  Mercedes and I stopped by to see Kelly, Kiersten and "Da boyz" as Mercedes calls them. I think that was definitely the highlight of her day. Twin toddler boys and plenty of toys plus being outside is most assuredly three of Mercedes "favorite things". After taking care of errands and drive through lunch at Chick Fil A, we went to visit with dad.

  By now the entire 3rd floor of South Bay hospital is aware when Mercedes comes to see Popa. As a typical two year old with an extra boost of strong-willed stubborness, a couple of tantrums are sure to be a part of every visit. And today was no exception. I believe today's was about her  wanting to pull tissues out of the trash can. 

 Dad's doctor came in and basically told him that he was getting close to being able to be released but right now he would be going to a rehab type facility first instead of straight home. This is because he is not walking around on his own or getting up on his own. I spoke with the doctor and he agreed that if dad was up and walking and moving about on his own, he would be able to go straight home. Dad says he does not want to go to a rehab facility and seems to be more motivated to get stronger. We will see how he does in the next couple of days. The doctor also agreed take dad off of the liquid diet as well. Hopefully dad will begin to eat better and put back on some weight as he has lost so much in the last couple of months. 

 Off to a bike ride with the girls. Getting outside is always a life to the spirit.

 

Sunday News

 What a beautiful day here. The wind is blowing just gently enough to keep you cool as you enjoy the Florida sunlight. 

 Haley and I got to enjoy a special time together yesterday. After a birthday party at the clubhouse the girls and I went swimming with their cousins and other friends. Going to the Mirabay pool is always so much fun for the kids and you never know what friends you may see and get to spend a little time with. So fun for kids and mommy. After the pool we changed and Mercedes quickly fell fast asleep. While Mercedes napped peacefully Haley and I took the opportunity to get our nails painted. What fun mommy and daughter moments!!  

 Some good news about my dad now. He is now out of ICU. He went into a regular room in the PCU, which is a step down from the ICU. He wasn't too happy about this. He is tired a lot and very hesitant to get up because he is so weak from being in the bed so much.  They did a CAT scan yesterday to look at possible causes for some intestinal issues he is having along with the issue of his low Hemoglobin and Hematocrit. Because of those low numbers he is having to get another blood tranfusion today. We pray that he begins to slowly gain strength and starts to look forward to going home and moving about again. Albeit a bit slower than before the hospitalizations. 

 Haley and the girls are going to go and see him this afternoon. Hopefully that will lift his spirits a little. 

 I am missing that I didn't get to go to church this morning but I love that I can watch it live online. Although, it is not the same as being there, I enjoy it. 

 It's been fun trying to think of some creative ways to make mom's birthday special. Haley and I love to do things like that. Although Mom doesn't want any attention paid to her birthday I know inside she needs and wants to celebrate life's special moments as much as we enjoy celebrating them with her. 

Reflections

As I tucked my precious Haley into bed tonight and we ended our prayers she had tears in her eyes. I asked her why she was crying and she repied "I miss Popa". I held her close and told her he was getting better and she would see him very soon.
Later ,when I came downstairs to continue my nighttime routine I reflected on how very hard being a mom is and how there is no amount of preparation that can equip you for how to help a six year old through watching her granddaddy get so sick. I hope the words I say to her during these times, where I myself often struggle to find peace, will be the right ones.
I spoke with the Case Manager for PCU and ICU at SouthBay today. She said that dad is off the Nitroglycerin drip and as soon as some other cardiac numbers come down they will begin to get him sitting up and then moving about some, slowly. She also educated me a great deal about congestive heart failure.
I pray that soon he can come home and we can remind him of the many things he enjoys at home. That was one of the points that the case manager was talking about, how we can give dad things to look forward to and plan on each day. This helps him to focus on those things and not just how poorly he may be feeling that day. Maybe that is a lesson we could all take to heart.